Forgive & Forget: What Does It Mean? Is Forgetting Possible?

Many times, we (Christians) have given this lesson on pulpits but rarely have we pondered on the ‘impossibilities’ within it! And as our audience struggle to practice this noble virtue, they are continuously disappointed to find that the flashes of their past terrible experiences keep peeping into their mind, something they had promised to forget. So, they wonder: Is it possible to forget the wrongs done to me?

What happens next?

We are thrown back into depression, into knowing that we never forgave the fellows and ultimately they were never forgiven by their God. Remember, I am referring to this virtue of forgiveness as conditional just because our God forgives us ‘well’ when we forgive others or, rightly put, we forgive others because our God forgives us.

The bible has many verses telling us to forgive each other but it doesn’t have a verse saying, “forgive and forget” (Help me prove this by scrolling through all the books of the bible, alert me if you find it). However, it has some verses highlighting that our God forgives and forgets our sins or trespasses (for example, Hebrews 8:12, Isaiah 43:25).

And since our practice of any spiritual fruit is an exact reflection of our father’s practice, then we ultimately and logically must be able to forgive and forget. This teaching is right and biblical!

On the other hand, the above teaching raises the questions:

Is it possible to forget wrongs that people did to us or the ones we ourselves committed? Can you forget a person who murdered your mother? Can you erase from your mind the fact that you were a dangerous robber? Can we forget the killings by Joseph Kibwetere in Kanungu (For more detailed stories related to Kibwetere, read here, here and here too) or the torture of Ugandans by Idi Amin or his chambers? What about the killings in Rwanda genocide? What about the slaughter of citizens in Kenya following elections these past years? Are you certain we can forget that? Shouldn’t we take ‘forgetting’ as a divine miracle only possible with God and not His people? But then, do you think God has forgotten how rebellious we were in the past or even yesterday and today? Does God forget anything?

To answer these questions, we will have to first understand what the Bible means when it asks us to ‘forgive and forget’.

READ THIS: How to Rightly Interpret Any Biblical Verse

Forgive and Forget: What does it mean?

Like i earlier mentioned, the Bible doesn’t instruct us anywhere to forgive and then forget. However, it clearly instructs us to forgive our enemies and one another (Col. 3:13; Matthew 6:14-15; Luke 17:3-5; Mark 11:25; Luke 17:3-4) just like God does forgive us or forgave us. How does God forgive us? The Bible says that He forgives us and remembers our transgressions no more (Hebrew 10:17; Isaiah 43:25). In other words, God is asking us to forgive our enemies and remember their transgressions no more!

Wait! Does God forget our sins?

I don’t think so! He keeps reminding us how stubborn we were and calls us never to be so again. God knows and remembers our past as if it was just yesterday. Actually, God keeps reminding us not to be sinful like our forefathers who didn’t pay attention to His word (2Chronicles 30:7). The Bible is clear that He is omniscience and nothing is hidden from Him. God doesn’t forget anything, nothing gets out of His mind! And yet He does remember our sins no more!

God does not remember our sins for He deliberately decides not to hold us accountable. He forgave us once and for all and doesn’t look back to judge us according to that bad past. He really forgets our sins. In the words of one scholar:

‘We know that God is omniscient, meaning He knows all things. Thus God cannot forget in the sense that a human does. It is not that our sins slip God’s mind somehow. Rather, He chooses not to remember our sins. When we receive God’s forgiveness, He does not hold our sin against us or treat us according to what our sins deserve’

Are we wrong because we keep remembering our past mistakes or those that others did to us? We aren’t!

Forgiving and Forgetting!

Forgiving is an act of the heart while forgetting is an act of the mind (actually, the brain). Our brain memory centers have the capacity of recording whatever happens in our life-time and can re-flash them once in a while before our eyes, again and again. While there are psychological means to enhance our mind to remember or forget some things, it all works through the change of conception and perception or the feeling of what is imprinted on our brains but not the actual erasing.

Wait! Are there no new technological ways of erasing the past from someone’s mind? probably yes! However, the result wouldn’t be helpful in our discussion today, namely, forgiveness and forgetfulness of sins! Besides, with time, research has shown, some erased memories can re-surface, especially if we ever enjoy them or had pleasure in them, or were very hurtful to our hurts and mind!

READ THIS: Martin Luther King Jr on Forgiveness and loving enemies, Part 1

From the above, we can define forgiveness as the act of changing our conception or perception or attitude towards the person or action in question. Simply, it is the act of seeing the other person with non-condemning eyes. It is a new way of seeing and treating the other person like she or he has never wronged you. It (forgiveness) is giving up on our right to hold grudge against the offender. That is what forgiveness is; not to hold accountable!

On the other hand, forgetting is putting the above in practice. It is the power to remember or revise whatever happened with a new perspective and passionate eyes. It is the heart’s spiritual power to control the brain and mind’s expected reactions or reasons about what we did to others or what they did to us. To forget is to consciously and deliberately choose to forgive the wrong doer, self or someone else. It isn’t erasing the events from your mind or brain, never!

When I say that I forgave, it simply means that I no longer hold any grudges against you or I no longer hold you accountable. I now see you like you never hurt me or never intended to.

When God confesses to remember our sins no more, He is simply saying that He no longer has any grudges towards us. We are now holy and righteous in his eyes like we never wronged him or never intended to. The Bible says that God removes our sins from us as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). And when the Bible asks us to forgive and forget, He is asking us to do just that which He did or does! And as always, this is His work in us!

However, all the above doesn’t remove the fact that things happened the way they did. And our mind can’t get rid of such a fact. It is imprinted on it till we die.

Actually, trying to force ‘forgetfulness’ can bring results you have never imagined and it is neither spiritually nor physically healthy. Paradoxically, have you realized that the things we forcefully want to forget are the ones that keep re-appearing closely? Don’t get upset if things you did to others or what they did to you re-appear once in a while, mind about how they make you feel once they do. I wrote about this topic in my book, The 3 Loves We Need

Ask God to help you see and accept your past with a passionate and forgiving heart. That is forgiving and forgetting!

NB: Got Questions takes this further and asks us to actually be careful with people who have wronged us. Even if, in love, we have forgiven them, there could be so much to dislike about them and or actually be away from them. Get the words here:

‘The ideal is to forgive and forget. Love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5) and covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). However, changing hearts is God’s business, and, until an offender has a true, supernatural heart change, it is only wise to limit the level of trust one places in that person. Being cautious doesn’t mean we haven’t forgiven. It simply means we are not God and we cannot see that person’s heart’ (GotQuestions.Org)

God Bless YOU