How To Make Your First Date a Successful Evening?
- Vicent Nemeyimana
- March 24, 2017
- Word of Life
Hey there,
As usual, I can’t even be able to express how happy I am to share this truth with you again!
Like I emphasized before, Google does not have these answers (at least not many of them) and it is not because they don’t’ exist, but people have written wrong ones!
When we talk of making your first evening out with your ‘prospect’ a success, we are not necessarily talking about winning her into your bed for sex; we are talking about building up hope and more longing in her than she will need to see you another day, another month, another year and forever. Yes, we are talking of Christian dating, courtship, and marriage.
You spotted her out, approached her, and maybe even introduced yourselves, great! And as days elapse, your heart and mind cannot get rid of her smiling face, beautiful eyes, and charming gentleness.
And so you decide on a brave step, which one?
Yes, a date!
Cool. I love it and I am here to help you handle your first date both as a Christian and yet a very resourceful and creative man. Read on.
1. Arranging/preparing for a date
Actually, arranging for a date is not like arranging for wedding night or morning nor is it like preparing for an exam. On the contrary, it must be fun.
And promise me to remember that; it must be easy and fun!
Some casual relationship councilors shall give you an endless list of what to do, yes, long lists like that of Alan Roger Currie. Check him out in the long article of ‘experts’ tips published by Justin Stenstrom in 2016 on Elite Man Magazine’s Site.
I have put the word experts in quotes because the tips in that article are casual and everyone thinks they work, but they don’t!
So what works?
To prepare well for your date, it is important to simply know your reasons. Yes, while some may be interested in a one-night stand, short term sexual relationships, long term relationships and other issues, your goal may be different.
Yes, reflecting seriously on why you are going for a date is your best start.
Hear what counselor Susan Winter says; “Take a moment to do your mental preparation before you meet your first date. Why are you dating? What is your end-goal? Are you ready for a committed relationship or dating for fun? Knowing the answer to these questions allows you to engage in a manner consistent with your desires. When your intentions are clear, your meeting will be purposeful”
I already assume your dating is intended for long term relationship and I suppose it shall be easy for you to figure out.
When I developed romantic or love interests in Winnie, I personally decided it was time for real love relationship and marriage. Yes, despite my background that sounded a little bit primitive, it was much easy for me to have my first meeting with her since I was clear with my goal.
I had not read magazines, a blog like this one or asked for advice from any expert yet I knew what to talk about and how to behave with her.
And of course she liked me. We later had our second, third, fourth and many more meetings and outings and now we are married.
Surprised? No, you should not be.
In other words, prepare to be funny, creative, active, and yet chatty. After all, the first date is about making the girl like you, know her even more (her likes and dislikes), and lay foundation for the next moves and plans.
That said, first date is very important; never underestimate the power of first impression.
Of course, remember to call the girl on a phone some minutes or hour prior to the meeting, carry her a small gift (for example, a flower), be clean and smart (don’t be too smart as if going to a party, but be casually smart), keep time, and generally smell good (for God’s sake, avoid so many smelly perfumes out here. If you can’t naturally smell good, your usual common perfume may help).
About the place, activities or what to do with her, I love the article of Brian M. entitled Ways To Get A Girl Like You On The First Date. In that article, Brian emphasizes that activity is good and fun, be free and care less about her liking you (ironically, she instead likes you), and take control of logical decisions like what to do, where to go, and how long to take.
It makes me get reminded that I had more fun with Winnie in gardens, playing, chasing after each other, sitting on the ground and chatting, and so much fun than we ever had in hotels.
2. During the date
First date is neither an interrogation (interview) nor a dump play. For God’s sake, questions are important (after all, you still have to know each other), but the type of questions, the way of asking them, and the number of them matters.
As suggested by Brian M., sharing some funny activity like playing pool, cooking together, watching some interesting movie together makes the magic for easy Q&A and chat session, but still an activity like pool or cooking stands out compared to movies or bars.
In our modern set up, some bar/restaurant set-up accompanied with music, attractive gardens can be good too.
Some experts emphasize that the whole goal on your first date should be to “make sure that everything you say and do tells her that you have OTHER OPTIONS…that you are making a choice about HER as much as she is about YOU”
The above principle counts, but I add one important guiding principle; be honest. Yes, the first date is about honesty.
If you begin your first date with pride, lies, and false hopes and expectations, you are headed
for failure.
for failure.
So yes, show options only when you have them. For example, if she says that she is honored that a guy like you chose to go out with her and you know very well that no other lady has ever complimented you this way, then be honest; “Oh dear, I am humbled. You are the best to have appreciated me this much”
It does not make you hopeless; it makes you an honest and confident man.
About words to say and those to avoid, author Kezia Noble surprises us in an article called 5 Things To Never Say To A Woman On A First Date.
In that article, she mentions about 5 things; I hope you like where I chose, I feel nervous, I want to know everything about you, we should do this again sometime, and you look really nice tonight.
In my opinion, I think all these make no sense except number 3. I don’t see the problem with saying the other things; it depends on the person you are dating. For God’s sake, some ladies like men to don’t seem or show to be expert at what they are doing. They love men who are natural, easy to admit ignorance and who ask for some guidance and opinions.
For example, you may take a lady out and she understands how to deal with classy people and hotels more than you. And I think it is okay to even ask her to guide you on how to handle some things or issues the right way.
But as always, the ball is in your hands.
Instead, author Amanda Greene recently published an article called the 7 Things Women Expect On A First Date and it is helpful. As emphasized by her, being polite and not pushy, complimenting positively and genuinely, showing some curiosity about her, being assertive and not aggressive, and leaving her impressed are incredible goals.
You should read her article.
Take home:There may not be specific things or words to say or avoid, but whatever you say and do should be full of fun, excitement, true and very constructive.
And above all, be free, free, free, free, and free. This creates a good situation for both of you to ‘undress’ yourselves and share everything worth sharing on that lovely evening.
3. After the date
Oh dear, thanks for making it impressively. I wish you well on this journey.
Usually, a man can drive the lady to her house or at least near her home (of course most of the times the first date is neither known nor authorized by family, relatives or even friends and so some kind of hiding is paramount. It is funny, isn’t it?)
What if you have no car? Oh no, I never had one!
But even up to now, I don’t like sending out my wife just like that unless otherwise. So you just board the taxi together, call a boda-boda (motorcyclist) guy and put her under his care, walk her home (I mean her home) or have someone you trust accompany her.
Did you hear me? Yes, you heard me well.
In whatever case, it is man’s respect, dignity, and hints of man’s responsibility and care to ascertain that the woman returns to her home safely and happily after the date evening.
Usually, send her a message while she is still on her way home and say; oh dear, it was awesome having you around.
Call her to check if she arrived safely. You can even surprise her with a remark you did not make while together or even repeat that one which said like; you really looked beautiful today, and oh, how I liked your dress! You were just awesome dear. Have a great and peaceful night.
Of course, I believe you will have won her into wishing for another date and so it is time to relax and patiently wait for that other night or evening. Of course, keep connected till then.
Of course, remember to reflect on your evening, share with your soul all her life and being, start imagining her with you forever, think of anything you want; she is all yours. Believe me, the more you come to believe that it is possible and you two can be, the more it becomes a reality.
Magically, remember to arrange differently for the next time; change venue, activities, words, gifts, dressing, and much more if you can, but stay true to your principle; honest, free and self. These three things are magical and any woman worth becoming your wife is likely gonna enjoy you.
And so I ask you; was that hard?
Oh no, not at all. You see, we make things hard ourselves.
Summary
There is no specific design of how you should handle your first date evening, it all depends on the type of people that you both are.
Beautiful, serious, and wise women usually enjoy a man who is himself, respects others, is free, clean and smart has a purpose (life purpose). Yes, no woman shall hate you because you shared the truth about yourself.
About life purpose, it is important to know that a woman usually does not fall for you because of what you are or capable of at the moment, but because of the hope, building thoughts and potentials she sees in you. You can even tweet that!
In the book, The 3 Loves We Need, I wrote that if she goes away after knowing who exactly you are, thank God she has left. It simply means she was not the right one for you in the first place. I assume you read our article entitled How To Tell She Is The Right One For You .
Considering seriously why you are dating her is your first step into figuring out how to go about everything without compromising your goals.
Happy dating!
Thank you and God bless you
The Complete You Ministry, www.miklahlife.com
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audience. Thank you.
audience. Thank you.
