This question regarding when to start dating is a little tricky because there is so much in it that isn’t clear. For example, what is dating? Additionally, which time are we talking about? Age, life milestones, or just circumstances? Lastly, which kind of dating are we talking about here?

In general, dating is about having intimate and more significant relationship with someone of opposite sex! Researchers and relationship experts recognize various forms of dating; for example, serial (dating many people in short time), pure (no sex involved), steady (two people decide to only date each other), Christian (dating, usually in line with Biblical principles, between two Christians), and group dating (going out in groups)!

Watch the video instead: When is it the right time to start dating?

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Each of these, I suppose, would require a different approach if we are to answer the above question. While almost all people in various cultures and settings would agree to dating, the area of controversy remains SEX. In other words, should there be sex or not? Once this is sorted out, it is pretty easy for one to know and decide when to start dating!

For example, if sex is likely to be part of the relationship, and one isn’t interested in this kind, then it would be wiser to start dating a little later! Group dating is possible even among 13-15 years old. In group dating, the interest is spending time and having fun with others of opposite sex but in groups! If sex is okay with the parties involved, dating is usually initiated as early as at 14-16 years.

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In other countries, for example USA, 16 is a magic age! In other words, by the age of 16, most teens are in dating (steady), often involving sex (what some scholars call ‘sexual exploration’). This is not very different when it comes to Uganda. For example, a 2017 study of 663 young people aged 13-24 in Makindye revealed that 62% had had sex with sexual debut (first sex) standing at mean age of 16 (Renzaho et al., 2017)! In 2016’s Uganda Demographic and Health Survey (UDHS), it was revealed that 68% (girls) and 62% (boys) had had their first sex by the age of 15 years!

Additionally, just like everywhere else, many people are having sex before marriage, including a big number of Christians! For Uganda, the numbers may be hard to get. However, for countries like USA, it is easy. A 2016 study by Barna revealed that a whooping 65% of those studied believed in cohabitation before marriage. Of these 65%, 41% were Christians. The point is that it is safe or wise to roughly identify sex with ‘any’ dating!

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Of course, there is a number of those who would practice pure dating! But this is unlikely! According to courtshipnow.com, while pure dating is possible, it is very hard, and requires stringent measures to keep the discipline, and have emotions under control. Even if one is to avoid sex, there are usually other means or ways employed to satisfy the drive. And we can’t tell or define when these other intimate actions are sexual or not. Additionally, considering the limits one has to exercise, it looks there are no better differences or benefits associated with it (pure dating) than just having friendship. Maybe this is why Isaac Mubikirwa, a Ugandan sportsman strongly suggests having no boyfriend-girlfriend relationships if one is interested in purity!

So, if we are to answer the above question well, we need you to first answer this one for yourself: Is it gonna be pure or non-pure dating? Once you are clear about this, we can proceed to roughly say wait a little longer if you want it (dating) pure or enter it as early as when you feel it if you wouldn’t mind having sex! Just know beforehand that, for Christians, sex before marriage is a sin! Here, we are clear, aren’t we?

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Apparently, while dating carries with itself some negative effects, there are many advantages associated with it (whether it involves sex or not). For example, dating is believed to enhance interpersonal relationships, promote healthy emotional growth, self-esteem and confidence, competence, empowerment, decision making, solving problems, well-being and life enjoyment (Sorensen, 2007; Debnam, Howard, & Garza, 2014). If one is to enjoy these benefits, it rationally becomes relevant to date!

For Christians, while the Bible isn’t specific about dating and courtship rules, it certainly has many guiding stories that imply the relevancy of dating and courtship. Additionally, there is common consensus among Christians to have intimate and close relationships among people of opposite sex before marriage. Bottom line: Whether a Christian or not, you are likely to get involved with dating relationship before marriage. Therefore, we better answer your question! When is it the the right time to start dating?

Life Milestones, Circumstances, and Dating!

Considering whether you want pure or sexual dating doesn’t answer it all; it is just a general outlook. Besides, whether it will be pure or not, there is still the question; when should I start? While our general take is that you will need to start a little late if you want it pure and start as early as you feel it when you don’t care about involving sex, there are still these questions: When is it early? When is it late? To answer these questions even better, we will consider some few important life milestones and circumstances!

Here, life milestones roughly mean important life events or achievements or successes, and life circumstances stand for situations that a person could be going through.

Sometimes, a dating experience will be good and fulfillment if started within or at the end of a certain life milestone, for example, joining high school or college, finishing college, finding your first job or completing your dream house for your parents or educating one sibling or just after overcoming a serious life challenge or disease or during it. For sure, there is no one clear way to say this; each individual is likely to figure it out his way!

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For example, It is a widely held belief that dating while in high school is a bad idea, and dating while in college is a good one! Indeed, dating in high school is likely to be filled with immature experiences (rumors, drama, gossip, etc) and a little bit of distraction from your studies (mind you, in terms of studies, high school is the most stressful, needing much of your concentration). Additionally, few high school relationships make it to marriage. On the other hand, college and universities provide an opportunity to meet many new people who are averagely mature. Additionally, in universities, students are beginning to seriously focus on life and what they wanna be, implying high chances for meaningful relationships that end up in marriage! In other words, you shouldn’t date until you are in college or university. Michael Dickers shares 4 reasons why you should save dating until after high school, enjoy them!

Depending on a person’s priorities, dating could come after major life successes, for example, after building your mom a dream house, finishing a degree, getting your first job, or after starting your own company. What is important is to know that the success of any dating experience or relationship partly depends on your contribution, especially in terms of self-esteem and fulfillment. Accomplishing some of these important life events gives you that sense of satisfaction or ‘enoughness’ and confidence to build good relationships, something that is terribly lacking among high school teens!

Concerning circumstances, it wouldn’t be a good idea to begin dating immediately after a break-up or during times you are battling with a serious disease like cancer or diabetes or HIV or some other big life challenge!

Wait! I am not saying that people battling challenges or some diseases don’t deserve meaningful dating experiences; all I am saying is you need to be sure your situation isn’t driving you or influencing some decisions in this relationship! For example, if one is looking out for a mate so as to get emotional and physical support in his or her sickness, dating is a little compromised! You aren’t dating because you want to or love it but because you need it; to exploit someone’s emotions for your physical and emotional support. Additionally, one may pretend to be in a relationship with you when it isn’t love-motivated but out of pity! This won’t be good. In these cases, you need a true friend, not a girlfriend or boyfriend.

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However, if, emotionally, you are okay with your situation and have the ‘self-esteem’ and ‘enoughness’ we hinted on earlier, then you can date. In this case, you aren’t a vulnerable being seeking solace, sympathy, and support, but you are equally and confidently contributing to the relationship. Of course, always make sure the one you are dating is aware of your situation and your strength for it!

It is the same with dating or entering a relationship after a break-up. The idea is about how long one takes to recover from the break-up so that he or she is emotionally stable and in control of the new relationship. The waiting is meant for this. Some people take long before healing and others take relatively shorter time. When to begin dating after a break-up is entirely dependent on how fast one is able to recover from the past stressful break-up and fully take charge of her or his emotional and general well-being. In other words, if one is sure his or her past is no longer a problem, dating is okay!

Summary: When should one start dating?

In general, wait a little longer if you want pure dating, and start as early as you feel it if sex during dating isn’t a problem! Importantly, it is a sin and against God’s law to have sex before marriage. Remember this. In other contexts, waiting a little longer means after important life milestones that you set for yourself. These include, joining college, finishing college, getting your first job, completing your mom’s house or after overcoming a major life challenge, a serious disease or a past break-up.

There is generally no one single rule or answer to when you should start dating. Whenever you meet someone and your heart feels for her or him, do a small check-up with your mind on some of the things we have discussed here (your take on sex, your set milestones, and your life circumstances) and then decide to dive in! Life is too short to waste it reasoning out when it is and when it is not the right time to start dating!

GOD BLESS YOU.