How to tell that she or he is the right one for you!

The Right one for You: Introduction

We’ve talked and shared a lot, haven’t we? Today, let’s dive into something more serious: figuring out if he or she is the right one for you!

Sure, many people can counsel you on various relationship matters, but very few truly know how to tell if the man or woman you’ve fallen for is really the one for you. Surprised? Don’t be. Even if you Google it, you likely won’t find straightforward answers—at least not easily. That’s not because answers don’t exist; there are simply so many that it can be confusing!

Aren’t you lucky that I, your close friend, have the answer? Just kidding; I don’t know everything! But relax and keep reading—you’re in the right place. Actually, the Google answers we talked about are often, well, wrong answers!

The problem with love and relationship advice online is often that it’s filled with misinformation. Many websites discussing love, dating, relationships, and romance approach it from a typical, non-spiritual dating perspective. In regular dating, “success” is often measured by hitting it off with a beautiful lady, dating her, and eventually leading her into saying, “Oh my God, this is the guy.” And yes, for some, it’s all about eventually getting her to sleep with them.

Some counselors may even go further and offer tricks to keep someone in love for a short time, sometimes leading to a brief relationship or even a few years of marriage. But here, we’re different!

How?

What we’re discussing is Christian dating and marriage! We’re talking about finding that one person God has set aside for you, the one you’ll be with forever, till death does you part. Got it? I believe you do.

So, take our advice seriously, for our mission is to reflect Jesus’ thoughts and wisdom in everything we encourage you to do. I think we’ve covered enough in this introduction; let’s move on.

But, a Word of Caution

Finding the right one doesn’t guarantee a “happily ever after” without effort. You’ll still need commitment and both partners’ will to make it work. Marriage is hard work—it’s God’s hard work in you. In other words, there’s no magical code to land you a peaceful and flawless partner; marriage requires ongoing effort. The goal is to find God’s will, not necessarily a perfect match. Wait! And when God’s will is fulfilled, you have found a perfect match!

The woman/man right for you: Definition

The concept of finding the right one is God’s design (Genesis 2:18). While finding the right person doesn’t mean a marriage without challenges or disagreements, it does mean that, in God’s will, everything is planned. To ‘find the right one’ does not exactly mean finding a ‘perfect match’, but finding the one whom you were meant to find. Wait! With this definition, it is possible that, even for struggling marriages, the involved partners are the right match for each other!

The Bible contains numerous stories of marriages—Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, Moses and Zipporah, Jacob and Rachel. These men of God found their right ones. But how?

If you’re familiar with my writings, you know I don’t trust rigid, step-by-step guides when it comes to people and relationships. There aren’t steps that will automatically lead you to the right one.

So, what can I tell you?

The answer is simple: principles!

Yes, everyone has their unique way of dating, but certain principles (or expectations) in dating and marriage should always be upheld.

The Right One for You: The One Principle or Expectation to Look out for!

In Genesis 2, Adam couldn’t find a soulmate among the animals God created, and God decided, “I will make a helper who is right for him” (Genesis 2:18). The point is that Eve was created as a perfect helper for Adam. But why was she the right helper?

Animals could help with activities like fetching water, digging, gathering food, and offering protection. However, something essential was still missing for Adam.

So, what was that?

I have read the expositions of John Gill and Matthew Henry concerning Genesis 2:18, and they paraphrase it this way; “one to help him in all the affairs of life, providing things useful and comfortable for him, including sex” (John Gill).

And Matthew brings out what I really wanna say very well; “a help like him, one of the same nature and the same rank of beings, including cohabiting” (Matthew Henry).

The point from the above verse is that God created a woman who was right for Adam in the way she would fit so perfectly well in Adam’s overall life purpose or mission.

From the above exposition, the only expectation or principle to look out for is, in one word, SAMENESS.

What Does It Mean to Be the Same?

Sameness is about the core of who you are as God’s people, not superficial things like food preferences, money, or lifestyle choices. It’s about the heart and your purpose in life. When a man and his wife share this sameness, even minor differences become manageable. The core holds them together.

For instance, if you treasure faithfulness, kindness, and hard work, you’ll naturally struggle to connect with someone who lacks these values. The point here is sameness.

Know Yourself First

The secret is understanding who you are and what’s important to you, then seeking that reflection in your partner. Often, the challenge isn’t finding the right one—it’s knowing ourselves first. Let us look at this even further.

The right one for you: How to Discover Sameness!

Logically, you can tell that someone is your fit if you know ‘your fit’. You tell the size of your shoe if you indeed know your size. You can tell a woman or a man who is of your likeness only if you know your likeness (or how you look like), right?

In our earlier article on ‘Good men and women still exist’, we discovered that the challenge is not actually about their existence but about us finding them! If we are good and the right ones, it is easy to identify a soulmate that fits so well in our likeness.

Unfortunately, some of us don’t even know ourselves or the purpose of our lives! For God’s sake, on what ruler, measure, or guidelines do you spot someone that is right for you?

Discovering ‘sameness’: A case of Isaac & Rebekah

Truthfully, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. During dating and courtship, the two people have their unique way of connecting and discovering themselves. And that is why you shall need to know how to best handle your first date evening.

In our past articles about love & relationships, we highlighted that the success of any dating depends so much on how well the two people know, connect, and accept each other. Asked about the period this should take, we also confidently said that there was no specific time or period. The duration of dating does not directly influence the success of a relationship. In most cases, it is not the duration, but how well and quickly you got to to know, connect, and accept each other that counts. Some can take even a night to fully discover themselves and others take months or even years

The story of Isaac and Rebekah in Genesis 24 offers some helpful guidelines for finding sameness.

1. Understand Who You Are and the Partner You Want
   According to that story, Abraham asked one of his trusted servants to find the right woman for Isaac. The number one guideline was to get the wife from those who shared beliefs (relatives) with Abraham (verse 4). Asked about if Isaac should instead move to the woman’s country in case she refused to come, Abraham cites their life’s mission and purpose (verses 7-8) and so the right woman shall have to fit so well in Isaac’s life mission or purpose-sameness (refer to our notes above). In other words, who are you? What is the highest moral, ethical, and general life code of conduct are you looking for in others? For Christians, one sure way to discover ourselves is through Christ. This is a discussion for another day. What is your likeness? What shall you base on to say, ‘well, he or she fits my profile’?
2. Prepare to Work for What You Want
   Relationships require effort; sitting back and waiting for a miracle won’t cut it. As in the journey to find Rebekah, action is necessary. Yes, in our article called The 6 Grave Mistakes Christians Should Avoid In Relation To Dating, we highlighted that waiting on God to work it out through a miracle or vision and bring you a partner is crazy. Yes, we emphasized that some work needs to be done; going to where there are prospects! Sounds crazy? Yeah, but that is the fact. You have to work for your relationship. To find your ‘sameness’ is ‘work in grace’.
3. Pray
   So the servant offers a specific prayer; “Lord, God of my master Abraham, allow me to find a wife for his son today” (verse 12). Prayer is (or should be) essential. Present your desires, fears, and everything else to God, allowing Him to direct your path. Prayer is the number one guideline in everything. It is just that most of us abuse prayer by expecting replies to come in a thunderstorm or some kind of overwhelming gigantic vision. When we pray and present our desires, fears, needs, and everything to God, He arranges our lives, and other people’s lives, and manages situations in a way that we get answered. In other words, the daily encounters among people or things are all arranged to lead you somewhere. Be observant, for we may miss God’s answers to our prayers.
4. Define the Qualities You Want in a Partner
   So the servant lays out his signs. Yes, ‘the woman that shall allow me a drink and perhaps do so for my camels too’ is the one! (verse 14). Know the values you hold dear and look for a partner who shares those. As I already highlighted, you should have a picture or a theory of the woman or man you need. What values are you looking for? When your value list is empty, everyone will fit in or everyone will not! This is not good! Consider some values: Is she helpful? Does she take care of other people’s needs? Does she love God? Does he cherish hard work, faithfulness, or responsibility? You know better the values you treasure the most. As already emphasized, it is hard to tell at this point especially if you are not the right one. If you don’t have the values yourself, it may be hard to cherish them or even look out for them or notice them! That is when a prayer helps! You may not know it, but the bible says that “God controls and directs the heart of a King just the same way He does control flowing water in a gully” (paraphrased). In other words, God in His marvelous ways directs your thoughts in defining your signs, the good traits of a good woman or man, and the wisdom (discernment) required during dating and courtship. It may look like you are working it out yourself but God is the one working out everything.

1. Recognize Them When They Appear
   The servant recognizes Rebekah as she shoots herself out; she is beautiful (pretty), a virgin (I don’t know how he knew she was a virgin, but I think the best sign those days would be a woman who has known no man or never identified with men. It is also possible that the writer here is telling us the woman’s attributes, not necessarily what the servant saw himself), focused and hard-working, respectful, kind and generous, and yet so queenly (verses 15-20). Many people miss their soulmates because they aren’t ready or don’t recognize what’s right for them. For most of us, this is where the tragedy is. Yes, you prayed for the right woman or man and set up your signs and characters and God heard you and delivered the bride or groom, right? Sadly, up to now, you don’t know that she or he is the one next to you. I think the number one cause of this is not knowing ourselves first. As I have already emphasized, many people are out here yelling; ‘I am waiting for the right one’, ‘She is the right type for me’. ‘Oh no, I don’t think that guy was the right one’. ‘Oh no, it looks like I made a mistake on her; she is not the one God meant for me’. And I usually wonder; are you the right one? The bad cannot easily identify the good in others and the opposite is true. In other words, she or he may be the right one for you, but you could not identify her because you are not ready to work for your relationship or marriage or simply because you are the bad one. Yes, marriage is worked for. Importantly, stop being too picky and selective (Christian mistake number 3 concerning dating), define clearly yourself and what you want in a woman or man, and hold onto the lady or man next to you. High chances are she or he could be the one, otherwise why on earth would you still be stuck together up to now? Interesting, right? Think about it.
2. Take Time to Confirm They’re the One
   So the servant ‘quietly watched her. He wanted to be sure she was the one” (verse 21). On this, we believe that the time taken for dating, courting, and general observation of each other does not count so much. What counts is how well you get to know and accept each other. As we already highlighted, some people take one day to know each other well while others may take months, years, or even forever before they can confess; Wow, I think she or he is the one for me!
3. Be thankful
   The servant went ahead and thanked the relatives of Rebekah, her family sought her choice and decision in this, and when she said yes, she was joined by her loving husband (Isaac) who “loved her so much and was comforted by her presence after his mother’s death” (verses 53, 57-58,65, and 67). Yes, it is a good habit to be grateful to God for answering your prayer and also to the woman or man for accepting to be the one. In this story, the servant blessed Rebekah with gifts and also thanked God in a wonderful prayer (verses 22-26). I think this story is a detailed account of dating, courtship, introductions, and thanksgiving with gifts, deciding on marriage, parents and family’s blessings, and complete union of man and woman for nothing else, but love.

The right one for you: Conclusion

Finding the right one is both simple and complex. Seeking God’s will, coupled with the principles in Genesis 24, can guide you.

Remember: sameness is key. It isn’t about rule-following; it’s about genuine connection. Sometimes, the right one may already be by your side—don’t overlook them.

If you have been blessed with this article, consider sharing it with others. Thank you.

Other resources to consider: 15 signs that she or he is the one by Funy & Holy, How to know you are with the right one by PsychCentral, and how to know if your partner is indeed the right one by The Bride.